Rumination
by PrincessZaraStar
Summary: Because I couldn't be there for her, I lost a part of Katniss in those games. Neither of us will ever be the same. NOTE: Takes place at the end of Mockingjay.


_Katniss…_

I trek on through the woods, although I'm completely exhausted. My body demands for water; screaming for something to satisfy my never-ending thirst. I haven't eaten in days and my stomach shows me no mercy, constantly growling like the wolves I hear at night. Only managing to get three hours of sleep last night, I am fully drained of energy and every step is a huge effort. I am pushing my limit.

But I don't care.

My jacket snags on a branch and I lose my footing, falling face-first into the cool, earthy mud. It feels cold. I feel cold. They asked me why I was enduring this. I'm not even completely sure why. I must seem crazy. All I know is this: I want to feel something, even a little piece of what Katniss felt during those games. Heading to District 2 on foot is a walk in the park compared to what she went through, but I want to understand her more. Because I couldn't be there for her, I lost a part of Katniss in those games. Neither of us will ever be the same.

I pick myself up out of the mud and continue on my long, tiring journey. I'm contemplating whether I have any energy left to move, but thoughts of war overpower my physical needs and regret hangs over me like a black cloud.

Prim was killed by a bomb.

A bomb that could've been my own creation.

How could I, Katniss' best friend, do such a thing?

She'd never forgive me. Ever.

And I thought we were becoming more than that. More than friends. I love her so much, my heart hurts. For years, it's been Gale and Katniss. Katniss and Gale. The games have changed all that and more.

Enter Peeta.

They had to feign love to survive. It was a brilliant strategy, and they succeeded with it. Twice. In the end, it was all pretend, right? Wrong. Somewhere along the way, The Boy with the Bread wove his way into Katniss' heart. There were definite feelings between them. I never meant to feel jealous, but seeing her gaze at him with that look of affection was painful. It hurt. Soon, she was torn between us. At a loss of who she loved. I wanted to let her know that I loved her and I told her several times, but there were things that only Peeta could understand and relate to her with. Things that I could never understand.

Thank you Hunger Games. Not.

The bomb incident was unforgiveable. Peeta was recovering. Katniss was grieving Prim and hurting beyond belief. I couldn't stay, not like this. We could never be together, it didn't matter how much I loved her. This knowledge weighs me down more than my current physical status and I am filled with love-sick pain. She would be better off with Bread-Boy. I think I'd be better off that way too. But I'll never stop loving her. My heart is connected with the girl on fire. If I can just go and get a job in District 2…if I can just show her that I'm still capable of so much…maybe, just maybe I can prove myself worthy. Worthy of forgiveness. It's a longshot, because Katniss Everdeen is not the forgiving type, but even a tiny smile would warm my heart. I must never forget her rare smile, the one that I've only seen occasionally throughout our friendship. Its shining brilliance lights up Katniss' normally stoic demeanor. I miss it.

I am nearing District 2 now. I can see the smoke of the buildings rising into the sky through the thinning trees of the forest, which have been my home for so long. The forest. Memories of days spent hunting in the sunshine with Katniss, always providing for our families. Always together. These days are over now, but they are still be with me. The Capital is defeated and a bright future is beginning to peek out through the dark clouds of the past. I will never take what has happened for granted. Touching my three middle fingers to my lips I salute the forest and picture the people that have sacrificed everything for a better future and a better world. Cinna. Finnick. Johanna. Betee. Prim. Haymitch.

But most of all, I remember Katniss, the love of my life, and I wish her the best.

" I will never forget you, Catnip."

* * *

><p><strong>This is just a short idea concerning why Gale up and left all of a sudden. It was really out of character, in my opinion, so I tried to imagine what he was feeling and tried to figure out why he would leave so suddenly. This is what came of it! :D I hope you enjoyed :) <strong>


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